crazy cock

i am ending 2011 with a bang! chos!
by finishing (and enjoying) henry miller's luminous book about a depressed man (a writer) abandoned by his luver to be with another woman. luvly!
this is actually based on henry's life. or so claims the book.
despite its dark subject, it's actually quite funny.
consider this:

"tony bring sat in the dark with his hands buried in his overcoat pockets, the collar turned up, his hat falling over his eyes. the place was cold and damp; it was like sitting in a tomb without even a taper burning. a fetid odor seeped from the walls - a sweet, sickening stench, full of leprosy. thoughts gurgled through his brain like the music of the drains in vanya's room. he thought about his thoughts as if they were smears under a lens.
the bell rang. let it ring, he thought, i'm not here. there was  rap at the window, followed by a tattoo. he got up and pulled the curtain aside. his friend dredge stood there grinning. he went through the lower hall and swung open the big gate. dredge was still grinning.
"what are you doing with yourself in the dark?" asked dredge.
"i was thinking, that's all."
"thinking?"
"yeah, don't you think sometimes?"
"do you have to sit in the dark to think?"

the book was actually originally titled lovely lesbians. it was in possession of henry's former luver, june smith, who ran away with a woman named jean kronski.
me thinks the original title was more captivating.
don't you think?

*****
don't get me wrong.
my mind's not into it.
truth be told, i intend to be celibate for all of two thousand and twelve.
i intend to lead a monkish life.
simple. selibate. spiritual.
or i just got tired of being left behind for someone's dreams, another luver or simply falling out of luv.
this fragile hurt, i mean heart, can only take so much.
that's all!