love isn't everything; but then it will never be

"i don't want to inherit your past mistakes. you can't expect me to correct them for you.."

rome shouted at the other end of the phone. i could picture him actually; his pale, ghastly excuse for a face all red; his spiky short hair all standing up as if on a gun salute; his small mouth stretched into a wide, big o as though he was gasping for help. not a handsome sight. not the man i fell in love with three years ago.

it was a cold day in december. there was a bit of a sun when i woke up at around eight this morning, but now it was all gone. hidden by this thick, grey cloud. i was shivering. i was wearing a flimsy striped cardigan that i bought at a bargain at one of lane crawford's outlet shops in ap lei chau. underneath the cardigan was a black ralph lauren v-neck shirt.

i was looking forward to a bright sunny day before the winter sets in. i was wrong.

already late for my appointment, i was rushing to the mtr station when the mobile phone on my jean pocket started giving off these ticklish vibrations. someone was calling me.

i ignored it. but once seated at the train, i checked who called. it was rome. i sent him a message.

"sori 2 mis ur col. hurryng 2 wrk. col u l8r."

luckily,  the meeting has not started yet when i arrived at the office.

it was a breeze. the clients were actually happy with our proposed ad campaign for a shampoo commercial that would star taka kazuro, the hottest japanese-chinese actor to ever hit the canto universe in years. i actually conceptualized the concept -- lovelorn, brooding taka was cleaning up his apartment of  his ex-girlfriend's things when he saw her shampoo in the bathroom. flashback to their happy times while taking a shower together. when he would comb her long, shiny black hair. missing her so much, he decided to take  a shower and used the shampoo. then as he was drying his hair, the phone rang. it was her. asking for forgiveness. freeze to taka's smiling, happy, newly shampood hair. end.

*******

while having coffee after lunch, rome called again. he was in tokyo. rome wanted to know if jigs would still push through with his earlier plan to bring one of his dogs to tokyo when he moved there. rome was not too keen on the idea. he hated dogs. or any pet at all. he doesn't want any pet messing up his perfectly decorated, always shiny apartment. he hate the smell of dogs, specially jigs's dog.

jigs wasn't entirely sure if rome was against the idea of him bringing the dog -- cara -- to tokyo or if rome actually resented cara because it used to belong to jigs' former boyfriend, francis, who died in a car accident three years before they met.

"but i can't just leave cara behind. she has been part of me. i love her like my own baby," was all jigs could say to rome. he was nearly in tears. he had never heard him say such mean things to him before. nor did he ever raised his voice -- whether on the phone, over skype or face to face. even his emails were polite. all small letters. always. no caps.

they have been talking about it for months now. what to do with cara.

jigs simply didn't have the heart to leave the poor dog behind. in a shelter.

"well, if you can't give up cara, it simply means that you love her more than me. that you wanted to keep her because she reminded you of francis," rome continued his attack.

cold blooded ice queen.

mean.

heartless.

witch.

bitch.

jigs wanted to shout all these things to rome. over the phone.

but he chose to keep quiet.

he simply turned the phone off. then threw it away on the trash bin.

sometimes silence is the best form of retaliation.

********

he has been with cara longer than rome.

and he knew that cara has learned to love rome.

but why can't rome do the same?

if he really loved him, then rome would also love the things (pets included) that he luved.

wasn't love merciful and benevolent?

that night, jigs put away rome's clothes (there were but a few), shoes and other things that he left behind in his apartment.

they have been on a long-distance relationship for the last three years.

they would visit each other at least once in three months.

when he was in tokyo, jigs would stay at rome's apartment.

but when rome was in hong kong, he would stay in a hotel.

he said he was not comfortable staying at jigs's flat not only because it was tiny, old and there was no elevator, he also did not want to be in the same room as cara.

"that dog smells like a dead rotten fish!" rome complained the first time he met her.

in fact, cara smelled like the fruity shampoo he used to bathe her.

after he put away rome's things, jigs held cara close and they slept together in the bed he used to share 

with francis.

happy with the thought that whatever happens, they will still be together.

*******

in the next few days, i received a lot of email messages from rome.

i ignored them all.

after i survived francis's death and a series of unfortunate, short love affairs that followed, i think i could handle anything, cruel, insensitive young men included. even if he happened to be the famous actor taka, who wanted to be known simply as rome.

that same day,  i sent an email message to the ad executives at the shampoo company, telling them that i am no longer interested in the taka account.

i said: "i am sorry but i learned from a very reliable source that mr. taka hates pets, including dogs. i 

could not work with someone who hates dogs or any other pet."

i should have added: taka is the worst animal of them all.

but i did not.

in the end: love isn't everything; never enough. but then, it will never be.

*******