one awful movie

the movie poster was enough to turn me off.
it looked so cheesy, i wanted to run as far away from it as possible for fear that i might contact the virus that made anne and jim locked lips on the streets, an imitation of a famous times square picture of a sailor kissing a nurse on vj day in 1945 (see that one below).
i am a hopeless romantic, but this is just too much.


see what i mean? it's like a cover of a barbara cartland novel or those sweet dreams romance pocketbooks that i used to devour when i was in my teens. or as my snooty gay friends would say, parang hallmark card!
but my luv for mader, who wanted to see it, prevailed. we had fun during our two previous movie dates.
i was hoping that at least the performances of anne hathaway (whom i last saw in the brilliant rachel getting married, where she was nominated for an oscar. i luv her, by the way, big dreamy eyes and wide pretty woman smile notwithstanding.) and jim sturgess (whom i luv in across the universe) would more than make up for what i already felt was a dreadful movie.
i so luv to be proven wrong for the sake of anne (whose last film with the adorable and sexy jake gyllenhaal also tanked) and jim.

i have no idea what the movie was all about, i just thought it was an awful one judging from its poster. i didn't even know that it was based on a book and that its screenwriter was the same one who wrote the novel. how wonderful! (no, i have no intention of reading the book.)
the film started pretty decently, though already full of cliches and stereotypes.
geeky anne hathaway in a lousy dress, awful hair, eyeglasses and speaking with a british accent accidentally met the gorgeous jim sturgess at the night of their college graduation. sorry, i forgot the names of  their characters in the movie.
both drunk, they almost slept together but something happened. so instead of having sex, they decided to just talk until they fell asleep. ho-hum. i was already sleepy too.
i think they made a promise or something to meet every year after that (inspired by the film before sunrise?) that's why we see them every year on the same date: was it july 14 or 15? sorry, i didn't care, too bored and sleepy to care. i even fell asleep at some point.
i don't know if the writer has run out of ideas on how to make a pretty decent and engaging love story or the characters were simply dumb that's why it took them so many years and so many screen time before they realised that yes, they were really in luv with each other and they were meant for each other.
i don't know about you, but i never met anyone who was in luv with someone who was also in luv with him, yet they refused to be together even if they were both single, compatible and what have you. subukan nyang sabihin sa akin yon, uupakan ko sya!

*******

now, back to the movie.
(spoiler alert! don't read if you plan to watch the movie.)
after anne (who was running like she was fleeing from a bad movie after breaking off her engagement,) caught jim (who was walking very slowly towards the train station after learning that anne was getting married) on the streets of paris, they kissed, made up and decided to get married.
sadly, just when they were finally together, happy (i suppose) and starting a life full of hopes for the future, anne suddenly died. her death was so out of the blue, so not part of the movie, it was like watching another film altogether.
at this point, i wanted to walk out of the cinema and demand for a refund plus a million pesos as payment for enduring the movie's stupidity! darn!

******

but at least, i comforted myself, the movie would soon be over now that anne was gone.
i was sooo wrong.
the film went on and on, blabbering, blah blah blah....it was like watching a drunk, heartbroken friend going on and on about his stupid ex boyfriend who cheated on him while he was busy earning money to pay for their luxury apartment in one roxas triangle, dinner dates at shangri-la, vacations in paris and rome and shopping galore in hong kong and london!
no wonder the movie, one of the most anticipated u.s. summer fares, flopped bigtime.

*******

i felt sad for jim. he was so good and charming and sexy and boyish and talented, he did not deserve this movie. he was great in julie taymor's trippie musical across the universe, playing a luvlorn luver named jude. yes, the film was based on beatles' hits, an artsy, serious cousin of mamma mia!



lastly, unlike in across the universe where jim and the gorgeous and talented evan rachel wood looked good together, their sexual chemistry almost lit up the screen (the way angelina jolie and brad pitt did in mr. and mrs. smith), jim and anne were not bagay! walang kilig! walang libog!
there was no spark at all between them. worse, jim appeared bored even in those romantic scenes with anne, who also tried her darn best to look in luv with him.

*****

instead of this one, please watch ang babae sa sceptic tank or zombadings 1: patayin sa shokot si remington. i assure you, every peso is well worth it.

******

here is hoping that jim would still get meaty roles after this misstep in his listless career.
as for anne, well she has already established herself as one of hollywood's most bankable actresses (not just a star, take note), so i am sure we will see more of her.
on that note, i bid thee goodnight and sweet dreams!


(all the pictures were taken from the internet. so please don't sue the poor, jobless me.)

the trailer of across the universe. watch it on dvd please. it's one hallucinogenic trip you'll never want to end.


oh by the way, here is the iconic vj picture. di ba gaya gaya ang one day?



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

philippine cinema's best actresses

scorching bikini boys of summer

new gorgeous boy in town