alone, with the cool wind on my face and the warmth of the sun on my hair

(i have second thoughts about posting this one because of its very self-indulgent nature even for a blog. but i know that you will forgive me because you love me. after all, love means never having to say i'm sorry, right oliver? this may also sound like i am schizophrenic. i. am. not.)

********

all our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone - jean dela bruyere, french writer, artist, moralist.

a table just for one sir?” i always get this question in restaurants and bars here or abroad, in a tone suggesting that i am not welcome because i am by myself. 
the waiter would always give me that look, as if telling me that i am such a loser i could not even invite my mother for dinner or for a drink. 
of course he would prefer a bigger company because that would mean more sales, maybe a bigger tip. i understand that. 
but...........


why are people so uncomfortable in being alone and in seeing others alone too, not just in restaurants and bars but almost everywhere – movies, shopping malls, boutiques, airplanes, airports, salons, spas?


it always amuses me to hear some of my friends (these are the most independent people with strong personalities) telling me that they want to try this newly opened restaurant or they want to watch a movie but nobody is willing to go with them. so they never do.
i have nothing against people who can’t eat or watch a movie or do other stuffs alone. some people are just born that way, the way i am born this way.i will be too happy to go with them if they ask me to.
*******
but it seems those who prefer to do things by themselves are the minority (i wish i have a study or figures to back this up). that is why everywhere i go, waiters, bartenders always give me that puzzled look each time i tell them that yes, i am dining or drinking all by myself.
deal with it, baby!i don’t know about you, but i luv my solitude. ever since i was little, i have always preferred to do things by myself. read a book. draw pictures. watch teevee or movie. write a story. 
in other words, i can always amuse myself.

it doesn’t mean though that i am anti-social, or worse, that i am a misanthrope. i am not a character in a woody allen film, excuse me. 
it doesn't mean also that i can’t be with other people or that i can't work well with others. believe me, i luv being in a group. 
i like drinking and dining with friends.



i can be a team player and i enjoy doing group activities or projects (as long as i am in charge..hahaha). 
******
it’s not a problem. it has never been a problem. working with others. however, if given a choice, i would rather do things by myself. 
of course, i long for the company of friends and family. in fact, i always wish that i can be with them everyday. i cannot imagine myself not seeing often (at least once a year if i am away) my mother and other favorite family members, my friends, my facialist and my masseuse.
having said that, i prefer to do things by myself. if i can help it. 
*******
maybe that’s the reason why i am not much into sports. because most sports require you to be with other people all the time. moreover, i am not competitive. in sports, the drive is always to win. sadly, i simply don’t have that motivation to beat others. i don’t get upset if i lose.
*******
i always have my own goals. as long as i reach them, i don’t care much if you become the ceo of the company or the president of the country and i remain a writer or a reporter forever.
there is comfort and joy in knowing what you can and cannot do. i realised that early enough and i am grateful for it.
rivalry turns me off. i hate it when people tell me that someone (my perceived rival. in what? i don't know.) is now this and that, as if they expect me to feel bad about it. or worse, to feel bad about myself.
sorry to disappoint you, but i don’t care. truth be told, i am always happy every time someone tells me that somebody got promoted or became richer.
this may sound like a ms. universe answer, but why cant we all be friends and work towards a common goal instead of trying to outdo each other?
*****
that is why i luv writing (blogging).  i can do it pretty much by myself. 

and walking. i luv walking. be it in a mall, beach, park.
i luv that feeling i get when my feet are touching the ground, the sand or the grass, with the wind or the sun on my face. then at the end of the day, i will be too tired to even get up to eat.
physical exhaustion, ironically, is what fuels me to go on and on like that bunny in a battery commercial years ago.
(all pictures are mine!)

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