older but sadly, not bolder

who says that getting older is fun?

my sixty-something friend confessed that it is getting harder to sleep well at night the older he gets. most of the time, he feels sleepy while driving his car or while doing something in the office because of lack of sleep. he also tires easily and most of the time, his body aches all over.

add to that are the lines on the face, the grey hair, the unstoppable weight gain, he sighed.

the worst? the drop in his in sexual appetite, he pointed out.

gosh!

&&&&&&&

i have always said that i wanted to die at forty. but i am still here. so what can i do? (maybe with rising interest rates and strengthening currencies, fifty is the new twenty.)

i don't want to wake up one day only to find that all my hair has turned gray up and down there. eww! (can you dye your hair down there? will parlors and spas one day offer such services? or is there one already that i have not heard of?)

*******

when i was in my teens, i always thought that forty is ancient.

i always thought that people in their fortys are wiser, calmer, more broad minded and stronger having gone through life's so-called ups and downs. (cliche alert number one)

on the other hand, i thought that they are so out of tune with the times that they dress up shabbily or their styles are so out of fashion (in other words, baduy na). that sooner or later they will die.

sigh.

i will be forty-five shortly. but i don't feel wiser. nor bolder. i am stronger, yes, but i am not calm. i still get mad easily. i am still narrow minded, parochial even. i still think like a teen ager most of the time.

i am in my mid-fortys and indeed i find it tiresome to always dress up properly, to look my best all the time. i am getting shabby and chubby. hay..

also, i am becoming less adventurous. a few years ago, i began to have the fear of flying. strange. because when i was a young reporter, i was always on the plane with then president fidel ramos and the rest of the malacanang press corps. either traversing the archipelago or going out of the country.

******

age is a state of mind, they say.

well, try telling that to my friend who is already frightened of growing old alone.

of course, we can all prepare for old age. save enough money. exercise, eat healthy food. lead a healthy lifestyle to keep a sound mind and body.

sadly, what ever we do, age will eventually catch up.

our body will soon give up.

our mind will eventually go blank.

then we will die.

alone.

*******

i dread that day, like my friend, when i will be in my seventys, withering, forgetting a lot of things even my name and address, hobbies at suking tindahan. haha.

when i will no longer be able to do the things that i used to do like getting drunk all night and flirting with young sexy boys. (i might be mistaken for a pedophile and get arrested for it. so tacky!)

******

so i told my friend. don't worry, we will all grow old. someone has to be strong for both of us, right? even if i was cowering in fear too of growing old. such nefarious thoughts.

we will always be there for each other, i assured him.

seventy, eighty, or ninety, we will remain friends.

even until the next life.

he smiled bitterly.

of course this is not what he wants to hear from someone who is still in his fortys.

i would feel the same way too if an eighteen-year-old pimply kid would tell me to relax, it's just age.

i might even strangle him.

you see, age is not just a number.

it's a whole lot more.

*****

still, i told my friend that with technology evolving, who knows, we might even see the day when we get to live a hundred and still feel as vibrant and look as young as when we are in our thirtys.

but until that day comes, i will continue to have my nightmares, he said.

i kept quiet.

what else can i say?