the unraveling

"at first i was afraid, i was petrified.."

life is full of twists and turns. they are scary because most of the time, nothing prepares us for them.

*******

who would have thought that less than a year into my new job, i would resign? i thought that when i came back to hong kong last december (after packing my things exactly a year earlier), i would be in a job that will be my last until i retire. i wanted it to last this time. so i worked doubly hard, even harder than when i started in my journalism career nearly twenty years ago (when all i wanted was to be lyk my hero and idol ninoy, be a journalist and report what's happening in the country, be able to contribute to the public debate on issues that affect us all).
oh yes dahlins, i was once an idealist. what can i say? i was young and wanted to help uplift the country after more than twenty years of devastation under martial law.

^^^^^^^^^

but things happened.
and here i am. in a week's time, i will be out of job. again. i will be starting from scratch once more - checking jobs online, asking friends if they know of anyone looking for a reporter or a writer. going for interviews. reviewing. anticipating the questions in advance.
honestly, i hate this part of job hunting. the interview process. i always wish that i can get a job based on what i have already written and published.
but it doesn't work that way.
i am no hemingway, after all. chos!


&&&&&

it's unnerving to say the least.
it's even harder because i am a congenital worrier and paranoid (i got it from my father. may he rest in peace). i have been independent since i finished college (i never asked a cent from my parents since then, even when i lost jobs, kicked out from the tiny room i was renting because i failed to pay the rent on time, hungry and in debt) and i always worry that if i stay jobless for so long, i would have to swallow my pride and be forced to borrow money from my family.
thank god it hasn't happened yet.
i hope it stays that way.

$$$$$$$

so the new adventure begins.
another door is closing and i am hoping another one opens. soon. as janice de belen once said: when god closes a door, he leaves the refrigerator open to cool us down. hahahaa.
i don't have any prospect yet. i have sent out applications and cvs to several publications here and abroad. i am keeping my fingers crossed that one of them will at least merit the editor's attention, enough for her/him to grant me an interview. at least.

%%%%

so what am i looking for? i want something that is new, stimulating, challenging. i want it to be exciting and fun, not too technical unlike bonds (basis points, swaps, spreads) and boring as hell. in short, i want it to be lyk my ideal boyfriend. chos!
as i told my bff earlier, i want my next job to be permanent because i am tired of being the elizabeth taylor of business journalism. marrying someone after a whirlwind romance only to end up divorced a few months after, then seeking another lover afterwards.

*******

certainly, i  feel blessed that some of my friends are helping me cope with it - boosting my morale because frankly i feel so down lately, sending me job openings, taking me out to dinner, drinking and dancing the night away, or by simply asking the simple thing: "kumusta ka na? "
they are appreciated, of course. they will always be remembered.
as my mother used to tell me - "you will know who your real friends are once you are down and out."
by now, i know who they are. i feel truly blessed for having them around. through thick and thin. that's why i only have few friends. i have let go of the fair-weather ones a long time ago. (i am sure they did the same to me. hahahaa!)
triple chos!!!