the delicate art of gift giving

"the joy of gift giving is seeing the happiness painted on the face of the person after he opened your presents." -- mahatma gandah.

gift giving should be a joy. both for the giver and the receiver. the giver because he truly cares (even loves. or likes) for the person on the receiving end and it will give him so much happiness that the receiver appreciates his gift(s). the receiver because he will cherish the gift and will forever be grateful that there are still people who are generous enough to share their blessings.

gift giving is simple. you give what will make the other person happy. it vexes me therefore to think that there are those who still don't get it. that they think the gesture itself, that is, the act of giving, is already enough. sorry to disappoint you my dear, but it is not. because giving a gift that the other person won't appreciate is tantamount to insulting him. seriously.

it's also a delicate art that involves balancing what you want to give (read: your budget) versus what the other person wants to receive.

to avoid the embarrassment on both parties (the giver and the receiver), there are simple reminders that we should remember upon this season of gift giving. they are simple enough that even my five year old niece can remember them even with her eyes closed.

(if you ask me, i rarely give gifts during christmas and birthdays. i usually give gifts when i feel like doing it, regardless of the occasion or the absence of it, just because i truly care for the person and i appreciate his presence in my life. honestly, i don't want to feel obligated in giving gifts just because it's the christmas season, and everybody is doing it. call me scrooge or whatever, i don't mind.)

so here they are, fairies and bitches, gentle reminders when giving gifts:

-  when you're giving away food items, especially those with expiration dates, please double check and make sure that they are at least good for another year. this is common sense, but there are some people who are thoughtless enough not to double check. remember, if you give away expired food items, then it's no longer gift giving, it's throwing away your trash.

giving away expired food items is indeed tantamount to insulting the receiver of  your "gift". it's like saying, it's better for you to eat food that are expired than be hungry!

better yet, avoid giving food and other perishable items.

- keep your generous thoughts to yourself. some people justify giving away lousy gifts by saying "it's the thought that counts." no, honey, better keep your thoughts to yourself. nobody needs a "gift" that's worthy of the trash bin. now, if you are a scrooge, or simply don't have the money to buy a gift, then don't. a simple "merry christmas" will do. especially if you are really friends. they will understand.

-  gift cheques are lovely, but not cash. if you don't know what to give a person, then gift cheques from say rustan's are welcome. but cash is another story. it's simply tacky. even for kids. if you don't know what to give and you don't have a gift check, then don't! remember, it's not a sin against god, or a crime against humanity, not to give anything on christmas or birthdays and other occasions.

- gifts don't have to be expensive or store bought. you can bake a friend's favourite cake, or draw his portrait. honestly, i will appreciate gifts that are handmade, or handcrafted by the person who is giving them to me. that for me is real love.

to this day, i will never forget a dear friend who baked my favourite chocolate chip banana cake for my birthday. it's still the best gift that i ever received. in fact, i even helped her prepare for that one.

-  please don't give away calendars, socks, plastic pens, and other "cheap" items as gifts. ever!

- make sure that the gift suits the person. if the person loves books by haruki murakami, jeffrey eugines, curtis sittenfield, nick hornby, gabriel garcia marquez, tom rachman, alan hulinghurst, or eleanor catton, please don't give him books by sidney sheldon, or those young adult vampire series. please!

in the same way that you won't give a woman who loves make-ups a hairbrush. even if it's quite expensive and made by tom ford!

- if you're a scrooge and wake up one morning feeling guilty that you haven't given anyone a gift, don't be carried away. gift giving should come out of the goodness of your heart and soul. it's not driven by guilt, or shame, or the bandwagon mentality, that is, everybody's buying gifts, therefore, i should also give them gifts. please.

if you're a scrooge, a born stingy, or simply a congenital madamot, people will understand. it's better that they don't get gifts that are so thoughtless and cheap that they will end up cursing you instead of thanking you.

- as a rule, don't give away recycled gifts. ever. but if you think that the person will really appreciate it (like if you receive a marc jacobs bag -- a genuine - and you don't like its colour, but it's the favourite brand and colour of your friend), then go ahead, give it away. just make sure that you won't be giving it to the person who gave it to you. because i assure you there will be chaos! haha.

- when you see the person wearing an item that you gave (say a shirt, or a bag, or a perfume), please don't embarrass him by reminding him that it's your gift.  specially if you are in public or with other people, even if they are your friends. wait until he acknowledges it. if not, then just be thankful that he is using it. that means he truly likes your gift.

- lastly, it's not a gift unless it hurts. that is, if you really want to give something that the other person will appreciate, then it should really cost you -- either in terms of money, time, or labor. this, my friend, is the real essence of gift giving. give till it hurts because the rewards will be a million fold.

as for me, if you are wondering what to give me, worry no more. please kindly read this.

(and oh before i forget, always say "thank you" after receiving a gift. even if you don't like it. hahaha!)

that's all!! happy gift giving bitches, witches, fairies, queens, pa-queens, and wannabes!