interview with consuella de v

the secretive dyslex, a former entertainment journalist, finally told me the reason why he left his last job at a showbiz magazine. over bottles of beer and loads of gossips about celebrities, models, actors, politicians, he admitted that he was indeed  fired from his old job after writing up his interview in a q&a fashion about the then hottest bold actress - consuella de v.
we all know her - pretty mestiza looks, milky white complexion, long black hair, big breasts, long legs, and nothing more. she can't act, can't sing, can't dance, can't say a coherent sentence even in filipino, though she tried hard to also speak in english. but her down to earth personality, innocent, honest but often times funny quips won her many adoring fans, including veteran entertainment journalists.

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the following is dyslex's story, unedited, unabridged,

it's a warm sunny day in april made even hotter by the presence of consuella de v - her curvy body, huge breasts and long legs covered only by what can be described as a little red dress. when she walked inside the restaurant, silence engulfed the room, as if an angel just passed by. all eyes followed this five six-feet tall mestiza lady whose long black hair swayed as she walked towards my table, as though she was filming a commercial for a shampoo.
consuella is of course local tinseltown's newest box office sensation. her latest bold drama slash comedy movie, tagos hangang lalamunan, labas hangang buto, just broke all box office records. as of this writing, the movie continues to make tons of money, assuring her of more projects to come. after our beso-beso, i began the no holds barred, uncensored interview.

d: first i'd like to congratulate you for a job well done. your movie is making box office history. what's so special about your movie that people, especially men, are lining up to see it?
cdv: well, ano kasi, i think it's like chopsuey. you know, the favourite ulam of filipinos. it is comedy, drama, musical, action, even horror. so for the whole family talaga.
d: so any projects lined up for you after the success of this movie?
cdv: projects? as of today, wala pa. pero i am shooting naman this movie to be directed yata by an award winning ano...director. tapos nag-titaping din ako sa tv. tapos pictures for magazines. mga ganon. pero it depends talaga sa manager ko. ano lang ako, good soldier, sumusunod lang.
d: so may mga projects ka na lined up after this one. let's talk about your curvaceous body. how do you keep yourself fit? what's your favourite exercise?
cdv: swimming. why swimming? kasi basa ka lagi, pero hindi sa pawis. fresh ka pa rin kahit pagoda cold wave lotion na ang katawan mo. masaya di ba?
d: so it defeats the purpose. di ba kaya ka nag-e-exercise para pawisan?
cdv: (pause to think) hmmm. oo nga ano? sige dancing na lang.
d: why dancing?
cdv: kasi fashion ko talaga. maliit pa ako yon na ang gusto ko. mahilig akong mag sayaw ng burles. kaya siguro ako naging bold star. (giggles).
d: and now it's paying off. you are the new box office sensation.
cdv: ganon ba? hindi naman box office ano...ano na nga sinabi mo?
d: box office sensation.
cdv: hindi naman ganon. medyo bastos ang dating. sensation. parang may halong ano.....landi. (giggles)
d: let's talk about inspiration. who inspires you do do your best to achieve success?
cdv: myself.
d: wow! just yourself? what about your parents, your family, your boyfriend.
cdv: ay my lola pa pala. sya kasi nag palaki sa akin. maliit pa ako ng mamatay ang mga parents ko. since only child ako, dun na ako sa lola ko lumaki. malaki talaga ang ano ko, utang na loob ko sa lola ko. pero namatay na rin sya.
d: if your lola is here right now, seating beside you, what will you tell her?
cdv: ngeeh! nakakatakot naman yon.
d: (can't help but to laugh) kunwari lang. what will you tell her.
cdv: ayoko isipin yon. baka hindi ako makatulog mamaya. maaga pa naman ang call time ko bukas.
d: ok. what about boyfriend? sino ang dahilan kung bakit blooming ka these days?
cdv: (giggles) wala. ano. baka hindi pwedeng sabihin.
d: bakit naman? may nagbabawal ba? may asawa na ba sya?
cdv: (giggles) secret.
d: (getting irritated) so bakit secret?
cdv: next question please. (giggles)
d: ok. fine. what ever. sino sa showbiz ang gusto mong makasama in a movie?
cdv: local or hollywood?
d: kahit ano.
cdv: sa hollywood, idol ko si meryl streep. yong gumanap na devil (referring to meryl streep's role as a bitchy fashion editor in the hit movie the devil wears prada). magaling kasi sya. tapos si robert...ay, nakalimutan ko ang apelyido nya.
d: de niro?
cdv: hindi.
d: redford?
cdv: hindi.
d: wala na akong maisip na robert sa hollywood na sikat na actor.
cdv: ay naalala ko na. si julia roberts.
d: eh actress yon eh. sabi mo actor.
cdv: ay sorry. hindi ba pareho lang yon? (giggles)
d: what about among our local stars? sino ang gusto mong makasama? let's start with the female actresses? yong mga babae muna.
cdv: teka, hollywood muna. yong idol kong lalakeng actor ay si brad pitt. yong asawa ni angelina jolie. ang gwapo nya.
d: agree.
cdv: sa local actress siguro si charito solis.
d: ha? eh matagal ng patay yon? may she rest in peace
cdv: (nag sign of the cross) ay ganun ba? dyos ko. baka multuhin tayo. si ano si...ayan nakalimutan ko tuloy dahil sa takot. (pause to think) teka wala akong maisip.
d: it's ok. what about male actors?
cdv: si piolo.
d: pascual.
cdv: hindi ravales.
d: ah si polo ravales. polo yon, hindi piolo.
cdv: ay ganun ba?
d: bakit si polo? ang dami naman dyan?
cdv: crush ko kasi sya dati pa sa show nila sa channel seven. ang cute cute nya nong bata pa sya.
d: ok. who else?
cdv: syempre si aga muhlach, albert martinez at eddie garcia.
d: good choices. they are all extremely good looking and talented actors.
cdv: (giggles) lalo na si aga. sana sa next movie ko sya ang leading man ko.
d: why not? with your box office statute, i mean, stature, kahit sinog artista gusto kang makasama.
cdv: ganon ba? eh bakit sabi ng producer ko, ayaw daw ni aga na makapareha ako dahil wholesome daw ang ano nya, ano ba yon?
d: image.
cdv: yon nga.
d: well, bilog ang mundo. who knows, pag gumaling ka pang artista, makagawa ka ng matinong movie that is wholesome and will showcase your talent rather than your sexiness. tulad ni jaclyn jose.
cdv: sana nga.
d: so what about sa female actresses? sino ang mga gusto mong makasama sa movies?
cdv: si ate vi, si sharon, si maricel.
d: vilmanian ka pala?
cdv: ano yon?
d: yong mga nag-iidolo kay vilma. vilmanian ang tawag sa kanila. sa mga fans naman ni nora, norarian.
cdv: ay ganon ba? ay norarian ako. tulad ng lola ko. maliit pa lang ako, puro nora na napapanood ko.
d: so gusto mo rin syang makasama sa pelikula si ate guy in the future?
cdv: hindi.
d: (shocked) bakit?
cdv: kasi sobra syang magaling. nakakahiya. magmumukha akong tanga.
d: so ibig mong sabhin sina vilma, sharon at maricel hindi magagaling na artista?
cdv: magaling din. pero ibang level si ate guy. hindi kaya ng powers ko.
d: you are so humble. i like that. but you should not limit your self. in this world, you should always aspire to be the best in your field in order to succeed.
cdv: ano po?
d: wala. any last words? mga taong gusto mong pasalamatan for the success of your movie.
cdv: sa mga hindi pa nakapanood ng movie ko, pumila na kayo. i swear, hindi lang kayo maiiyak, matatakot at matatawa, makikiliti pa kayo. (giggles) madami akong bed scenes, nude scenes....
d: (cutting her off) with that, we end this interview. thank you again, consuella for taking the time for this fabulous interview.
cdv: thank you din po.

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so why were you fired for that article? it's a great piece. it showed the real cruella, i mean consuella. hindi pr-ish ang dating. for me, mas naging endearing pa nga sya sa public because of her honesty and candor, i told d.
"exactly why my editor fired me. he hates her to a t," d said.

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that's all. a great weekend to you all - fairies, bitches, queens, pa-queens.