silence and serenity

it was way past midnight and i was a bit drunk after a few glasses of reds, whites and roses. as usual, i was restless in bed. sleepless.
i was changing channels, trying to find a show that would help me sleep. i hardly watched teevee, but i needed some noise to help me battle loneliness. that small, dark, smelly room was adding to my depression.
it was one of my bleakest and most dreary moments (music from maalala mo kaya). i was jobless, running out of money. worse, i was indecisive (couldn't make up my mind where i should head out next and what would i do next. making a decision is one of the toughest aspects of being an adult.). i felt so alone. i felt as though my friends (even the very few closest ones) were avoiding me. not wanting to hear my drahmahs anymore. who would? right?

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more surfing, then i finally settled on channel two. good old reliable network to put me to sleep.
and there it was. a feature about the nuns in a monastery, somewhere in the south. the sisters featured looked so beautiful, so peaceful, so serene, so contented despite the simplicity of their lives. or maybe that is the secret. you can see it on the way their faces glowed, their eyes twinkled as they talk, as they go through their daily lives.
they wake  up at dawn, pray or meditate, have breakfast, then work in the garden, or in the kitchen, or drive to town. i felt drawn to it, to the show, to the monastic life. to them. i've been wanting to have that kind of life. sadly, i don't think i have the patience and the character for such a noble calling. what do the nuns used to say at our school? many are called, but only few are chosen. chos!
besides, i don't want to become another hypocrite, hiding underneath the mantle of the church, preaching holiness, while indulging in....
long after the show was over, i still could not sleep. it kept me awake until the wee hours in the morning. to say that the show blew me away was an understatement. it helped that the host of the show, atom araullo, wa so involved in the story. you can feel the passion in his voice, his respect for his subject. i enjoyed the smooth flow of conversations between him and the nuns. as if they were old friends. i missed having those conversations with luv ones.


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no, it didn't change my life. it didn't offer any solution to what i was going through at the moment. but it helped me calm down. and see my situation in a different perspective.

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fast forward to nearly a year after, that feature won an award from the catholic mass media, as my dear friend carmina, the show's producer, told me.  i am so happy for her, for atom araullo and for the rest of the staff. this is the kind of show that we need - neither controversial nor scandalous, nothing about politicians and celebrities and their dirty deeds. just about people doing what they know best - serving humanity quietly without announcing it in those disgusting billboards, paid for, by the way, by the taxpayers. giving light to the gloomy, glorifying god in the process.

here is the announcement i found in the cmma website:

Best News Magazine Program: Patrol ng Pilipino for “Monasteryo” (ABS-CBN)

congratulations, carmina. i am so happy that you finally found your true calling. i hope i will find mine. soon. 

and to atom, i hope to see more stories like this one. keep them coming.

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thank you for that wonderful episode.