sweet summer sixteen
"it was a vicious summer. the sweltering afternoons and blistering nights made even worse by his wounded heart. he wanted to weep under the roasting sun, the boiling sea water up to his neck, after he saw and heard him flirting with other girls in the beach, even paying special attention to sabel, the prettiest of them all. she of the soft, creamy white complexion and long, dark as night hair, and a face and the voice of an angel. she looked a lot like phoebe cates, the hottest hollywood actress. tall and dashing, and a nymphet in short shorts and tight, figure hugging white shirt that accentuated her bulging teen-aged breasts.
he has been secretly in love with him for almost a year now. at that moment, the burden of the secret, the immense guilt, the weight of the forbidden feelings were just too much to bear. like those sleepy afternoons, when the heat was intolerable, he waited for the rains to start pouring. to help him drown the sorrows of an unrequited young love.
he had been a constant presence in his dreams, in his waking hours, in his solitude ever since he saw him for the first time: standing at the school's flag ceremony early morning in june, when the air was cool, crisp and clean, when his junior high classes had just started. it was a quarter before seven, and everyone smelled of soap, toothpaste and their newly-scrubbed faces fresh from the morning dew that was still asleep on the branches and leaves of trees that surrounded the school ground. as usual, he was in a hurry because he arrived late. he had to plead with the security guard at the gate to let him in for he did not want to be punished for not attending the flag ceremony at the first day of the new school year. the middle-aged guard, who knew who his father was, let him in. but only him. he felt bad for the other students who were left outside of the tall, imposing red gate. as though they were prisoners abandoned by their love ones. at the grounds, students were already lined up like obedient military men facing the flag pole. an army of ants ready to conquer the world. two students were standing on each side of the pole, facing each other, ready to pull down the heavy, coarse abaca strings that would push the flag up, proud as the students who made it to school early. he found his way into the line for his class. amid the familiar faces, friends who were with him since they were freshmen, a young man stood out. he was tall, lean, with a friendly and handsome face. he was standing at the back of the queue for obviously he was the tallest. his friends told him to stay at the back for he arrived late. the stranger, in gleaming white shirt printed with the initials of their school tucked under brand new blue jeans, smiled at him as he was approaching and told him to stand in front of him for he was way taller than him. he smiled shyly, disturbed by his effervescent behaviour, at his smile, at his perfect set of white teeth, at his delicious smell. at the fact that he was already wearing the school uniform on the first day of school, while he was still in civilian clothes -- black long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves folded up the elbows, loose, white pants and leather sandals. distracted at the seemingly perfect vision, he forgot to say thank you.
"i'm ryan. i am a transferee here." then he extended his hand.
he did not know what to do. he was too embarrassed, too shy, too nervous that he did not take his hand. afraid ryan would feel how cold and sweaty his palm was.
it was the first time that he felt like this and it was so strange, so dizzying. he had been waiting for this moment, having swooned on his sister's sweet dreams teen romance novels, when the handsome princes met their princesses at the campus for the first time. but he never thought it would torment him like this -- as though he was at the waiting area of the dentist office and his milk tooth was about to be extracted.
"tristan," he whispered shyly, without looking at him.
he could not concentrate when the crowd began singing the national anthem. he felt his gaze on him. his eyes burning his back, his scent entering every fibre of his body, every molecule. his words, his voice filling up the emptiness of his whole fourteen years in the world. he did not even notice that the whole ceremony was finished. he did not understand a word said by the school principal in her ten-minute speech welcoming everyone. all he could hear was the agonising beating of his heart, the longing to turn his back and see his face again, hear him talk, know more about him. even his name, ryan, had a dreamy ring to it. it was short, consisted of four letters, but that was enough for him. for in his heart, he had known him a long, long time ago. behind that short, simple name was an ancient story about love and adventure that at the moment, only him knew. that was the start. that was the beginning of many sleepless nights, of feverish days, of getting lost and losing his words, especially when he was within hearing and gawking distance.
as fate would have it, ryan was seated right next to him because their last names both started with the same letter."
he has been secretly in love with him for almost a year now. at that moment, the burden of the secret, the immense guilt, the weight of the forbidden feelings were just too much to bear. like those sleepy afternoons, when the heat was intolerable, he waited for the rains to start pouring. to help him drown the sorrows of an unrequited young love.
he had been a constant presence in his dreams, in his waking hours, in his solitude ever since he saw him for the first time: standing at the school's flag ceremony early morning in june, when the air was cool, crisp and clean, when his junior high classes had just started. it was a quarter before seven, and everyone smelled of soap, toothpaste and their newly-scrubbed faces fresh from the morning dew that was still asleep on the branches and leaves of trees that surrounded the school ground. as usual, he was in a hurry because he arrived late. he had to plead with the security guard at the gate to let him in for he did not want to be punished for not attending the flag ceremony at the first day of the new school year. the middle-aged guard, who knew who his father was, let him in. but only him. he felt bad for the other students who were left outside of the tall, imposing red gate. as though they were prisoners abandoned by their love ones. at the grounds, students were already lined up like obedient military men facing the flag pole. an army of ants ready to conquer the world. two students were standing on each side of the pole, facing each other, ready to pull down the heavy, coarse abaca strings that would push the flag up, proud as the students who made it to school early. he found his way into the line for his class. amid the familiar faces, friends who were with him since they were freshmen, a young man stood out. he was tall, lean, with a friendly and handsome face. he was standing at the back of the queue for obviously he was the tallest. his friends told him to stay at the back for he arrived late. the stranger, in gleaming white shirt printed with the initials of their school tucked under brand new blue jeans, smiled at him as he was approaching and told him to stand in front of him for he was way taller than him. he smiled shyly, disturbed by his effervescent behaviour, at his smile, at his perfect set of white teeth, at his delicious smell. at the fact that he was already wearing the school uniform on the first day of school, while he was still in civilian clothes -- black long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves folded up the elbows, loose, white pants and leather sandals. distracted at the seemingly perfect vision, he forgot to say thank you.
"i'm ryan. i am a transferee here." then he extended his hand.
he did not know what to do. he was too embarrassed, too shy, too nervous that he did not take his hand. afraid ryan would feel how cold and sweaty his palm was.
it was the first time that he felt like this and it was so strange, so dizzying. he had been waiting for this moment, having swooned on his sister's sweet dreams teen romance novels, when the handsome princes met their princesses at the campus for the first time. but he never thought it would torment him like this -- as though he was at the waiting area of the dentist office and his milk tooth was about to be extracted.
"tristan," he whispered shyly, without looking at him.
he could not concentrate when the crowd began singing the national anthem. he felt his gaze on him. his eyes burning his back, his scent entering every fibre of his body, every molecule. his words, his voice filling up the emptiness of his whole fourteen years in the world. he did not even notice that the whole ceremony was finished. he did not understand a word said by the school principal in her ten-minute speech welcoming everyone. all he could hear was the agonising beating of his heart, the longing to turn his back and see his face again, hear him talk, know more about him. even his name, ryan, had a dreamy ring to it. it was short, consisted of four letters, but that was enough for him. for in his heart, he had known him a long, long time ago. behind that short, simple name was an ancient story about love and adventure that at the moment, only him knew. that was the start. that was the beginning of many sleepless nights, of feverish days, of getting lost and losing his words, especially when he was within hearing and gawking distance.
as fate would have it, ryan was seated right next to him because their last names both started with the same letter."
-- from an unfinished illusion by mahatma gandah.
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