and so it is: a fresh start

as the madness that always greets the arrival of the new year subsides, as firecrackers settle and end up into dusts after a shower of fiery lights into the otherwise dark, grey sky, and as silence slowly envelopes the city after several hours of war like bangs of noises that remind everyone how it is be trapped in a battle of global proportions, the mind gradually contemplates on the year that was and what the next twelve months will bring.

moving forward ultimately requires a refection on what the last twelve months have been. so that by evaluating what happened, what went wrong, what worked, where did it get lost, where it was most joyful, where it was the saddest, where it lost control, the soul can finally find its own path, settle on a new direction towards the future.

as usual i am blabbering. it's a quarter to three in the morning, nearly three hours into the first day of january and the new year, and i am quite drunk.

after a meeting with an international fashion designer who created one of the most gushed upon (and probably the most liked and shared on facebook) bridal dresses for a filipina star at a museum cafe, i met another friend in another city for a round of drinks. at the lobby of the hotel where he is staying for a few days before he heads back to his city of work.

no we did not watch the fireworks. we did not venture out into the streets. we have reached the age when we no longer enjoy being caught at the center of a crowded party, while our ear drums were being shattered by the unbearable noise of firecrackers rocketing into the sky and exploding into a multitude of bright lights and colours, while our eyes were watery from all the smoke.

in other words, we have grown old.

after hours of people watching inside a restaurant at one of the city's hotel lobbies that was surprisingly filled with guests, mostly foreign tourists, and sharing bottles of reds, and small servings of cheese and other wine-friendly finger foods, we decided to call it a new day. tired and drunk, he went up to his room in the hotel, while i hailed a taxi and went home.

at the apartment building -- where the lobby was still well lighted, and a tall, well-decorated christmas tree full of sparkling balls, golden ribbons, and gifts of different sizes at its foot, still shimmering with the glow of christmas lights -- the guard, surprisingly still wide awake and quite chirpy, opened the doors with a ready smile and a greeting : "happy new year, sir!" as though i were the president of the country who was inspecting his staff to find out if they were still wide awake and guarding the country's and the citizen's welfare and security.

after taking a quick warm shower to get rid of the city's filth, dirt, and noise, i laid in bed, lightheaded, still drunk, and tried to go to sleep amid the noise from exploding firecrackers, neighbours singing in another night of karaoke session and tonight they will be forgiven for it's the new year's eve. but an hour later, even if the noise has quieted down, i was still awake. sleep remained elusive.

instead of getting up and reading a book to court some sleep, i decided to write down my thoughts. tried to think what the year that recently ended was.

surely, it was not without challenges.

foremost: barely a year after the strongest typhoon yolanda hit my home town, two storms again ravaged it this month, barely two weeks apart, flooding homes, killing people, destroying homes and properties. our house, which barely survived yolanda and ruby, was again devastated by sendang -- appliances got destroyed, books and dvds got wet and were lost, among others.

thankfully, no one was harmed. that's the most important. things can be replaced. but not lives.

that's just for the start.

but i won't dwell on the heartaches and failures anymore. they are best thrown into the murky and filthy flood water to continue their journey and never to be heard, seen, nor smelled again.

suffice it to say that now i am like that precious metal: habang pinapanday, lalong tumitibay! (please read with a british visayan accent: hebahng pinependey, lohlung thumitibey!)

instead, let me count the joys.


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my writing career (this is the only thing that i am passionate about) took a surprising turn early this year when a wealthy and well-travelled friend (my generous patron) asked me to help in the publicity of a fledging boy band that his newly formed production company was launching. i was hesitant at first to take the job knowing that i know nothing about pr and was not fond of boy bands.

after meeting the young men, i was taken by their desire to make it big in showbiz. who am i to say no?

a helping hand is a helping hand.

so i ventured into an unknown sea and i loved every minute of it. rough waves and all.

crafting public relations strategy from scratch and building it up on a shoe string budget was a challenge. but the biggest challenge really was how to convince entertainment reporters and editors that these boys, all unknown and with no previous experience in singing and dancing except for one, were worthy of their time and of every word that they would type on their keyboards.

thanks to dear supportive friends, and to the innate charms of the boys, we succeeded.

thus, even before their official launch at a concert con model quest in july, the band aptly called men of manila had been written about in various newspapers and online news websites. their facebook page had generated more than a thousand followers, while their newly-created website already had thousands of visitors.

we tried to mix the new and the old formula to promote them. we used the new media -- online news outlets, social media through facebook and twitters and instagrams -- as well as old school type of building public relations -- meeting reporters and editors face to face. we did not only arrange impromptu press interviews, we also visited them in their offices to personally thank them for their support. as a result, we generated more publicity, more exposure.

(for those who helped us, we will never forget your generosity!)


&&&&&&&&

through my wealthy producer friend, i also met a number of people from the world of entertainment and modeling: writers, directors, talent managers, models, aspiring actors, make up artists. they were a fun bunch. always ready with funny anecdotes about famous and infamous producers, directors, writers, reporters, and stars. i have met promising new talents, as well as those whose time had already passed.

i have shared meals and coffees and beers with gorgeous young men, who surprisingly were not as self-centered as i thought they would be, as most young and beautiful people who were still enthralled by their own version of the conceit of youth. i was glad that unlike most of their generation, they were devoid of the much hated sense of entitlement as though the world owed them a break or two, a smile, a handshake, an ear, a hug, or even a new car just because they were young and beautiful.

otherwise, these meetings, short but not far and in between, would have been unpleasant. enough for me to say goodbye to this temporary world of madness where youth, beauty and a sexy body have more currency than talent, patience and brain.

&&&&&&&&&&&

most of these young men were actually just like myself when i was callow. full of dreams and ambitions. eager to meet the world and shake hands with experience. restless. sleepless. can't wait to reach their destinations. ah, i always tell them to take their own sweet time, to enjoy every step of the journey, to take note of the people whom they have acquainted, and always, always to be ready for some bumps and surprises ahead because the road to success is not paved with diamonds.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

traveling is one of my passions. but this year, instead of flying and sailing to unknown places, towns and cities, i decided to travel within. (warning some deep introspection ahead. stop reading if it's not your thing). what makes me thick? for how long can i go on without splurging on my favourite brands and shops? (echos!!). seriously.

for the first time in my more than four decades on earth, i learned to budget my finances. i had always been terrible at this and i had always been frustrated at my inability to live within my means.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

as part of the almost schizophrenic desire to journey towards the self, i have rediscovered the joys of cooking. i can proudly say that i can now cook a few of my favourite dishes -- adobo, sinigang, kilawin, fried chicken and fish, steamed or fried prawns, sauteed vegetables, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs and all its egg permutations that i can even say with a perfect flair and flourish: for eggzample....blah.blah.blah.

cooking is so relaxing, it's actually better than getting a massage. hahaha

i used to hate going to the supermarket. in fact, i hate shopping at all. but i learned to love it because i have no other choice. if i wanted to cook my own food, then i have to go to the supermarket. make ikot ikot at the grocery. pisil pisil the fish, vegetables, fruits and meat. i discovered the simple joys of selecting fruits and vegetables and placing them inside plastic bags and giving them over to the ever helpful sales staff to be weighed and priced correctly. awesome!!

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please brace for the overly dramatic part. hankies be ready. cue music from evil dead. hahaha

most importantly, i realized just how much my mother and sisters love me. as well as my friends.

it's true what they say. you gain friends when you have success, and lose them when you fail.

oh yes, there are friends and there are friends.

i learned to let go of so called fair-weather friends without bitterness, and cherish even more those who stayed and remained loyal amid all the madness in my life.

a dear friend once told me that at her age, she had learned to take people for what they are. she had learned to accept their idiosyncrasies. i have learned too. so now, i mask what i really feel inside. i am no longer as transparent as before. i no longer hurt easily. i guess it's also part of growing up.


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oh i am getting carried away. it's already four in the morning and soon the sun will rise. another day, another beginning.

in a few hours, the entire neighbourhood will start humming, and the building will be awakened by the sound of the busy elevators, incessant doorbells, sounds of children laughing, crying and playing, and hurried footsteps at the lobby and at the hall ways.

what i am really trying to say is that two thousand and fourteen had been a good year.

it's also a year of challenges, of bearing the pain silently without shouting to the whole world each agonizing second. a year where friendships have been tested. of the real ones staying behind even if the floods and the lousy weather continue to stay at my doorstep. a year of new found friends, and quick romances.  of painful goodbyes and joyful hellos.

on my way home tonight, the taxi driver, a bald man in his mid-sixty's (i asked him his age) said the new year always means the start of something fresh. of learning from and letting go of the past. cliche yes. but worth thinking over. as i did tonight.

that's all fairies, bitches, witches, queens, and pa-queens.

here's hoping that the new year will be gentler, warmer, less harmful, and even more generous.