lessons learned from watching gossip girl five

good morning upper east siders. wake up and smell the flowers. look what i uncovered while staying over inside my fabulous flat, trying to get over a nasty hang over.

remember when we were in school and we were required to write  a book report? part of the fun about writing the book report was the part where we have to enumerate the moral lessons learned from the book. like, what?
i had a dvd marathon over the weekend (i know, i know. i should have gone out to the beach to get a luscious tan before the winter sets in or do some running to shed a lot of unwanted weight, but i got lazy. bad!) and finished season five of gossip girl. this season, if you care, is all about blair. blair and more blair.
in the spirit of my youthful, carefree school days, here are the most valuable lessons that i learned from watching the show (the last one before the last season, i hope, that will air next month):

* never leave your mobile phones anywhere. someone might get hold of your secrets (like where you shop or what restaurants and bars  you hang out often). then all hell will beak loose.
* never trust your minions, bffs and especially your frenemies.
* first luv never dies. even a real prince can't compete with your first luv.
* a prince can easily turn into a frog, right after you say "i do."

* never run away from your wedding in your vera wang gown, you'll get recognized anywhere and in no time, your groom will be able to find you.

* always wear fabulous outfits and look your best, even at home, you never know who will just barge inside your room.

* the super rich, glamourous and fabulous are dark, sad, scheming people. they are not happy unless someone else is miserable. they are also the most gullible in the lot.
* the poor, drab, boring people are even darker, sadder and just as scheming as their super rich, glamourous and fabulous rivals.
* sleeping around has its perks, especially if you do it with the right people (lyk your boss).
* be very very afraid when someone suddenly gives you an expensive gift, even if it's your birthday.
* sleep overs are out, themed parties are in.
* to heal a broken heart, get over a painful break up, head to paris and you might just find your prince.
* parents don't always have our best interest in their hearts. they just want to look good to others.
* it's easy to become the latest "it" boy or girl in the literary world. literally. just write something (especially their dark secrets) about your famous and fabulous friends. oh, and always project that you are an "outsider" so the rest of the world can, lyk, totally relate.
* manhattan apartments don't have strict security men to screen your guests. they don't even call the tenants before allowing someone to get inside your flat.
* sex sells.
* it's ok to be arrogant, selfish and stupid as long as you are gorgeous, fab and wealthy.

oh the list is long.
sadly, i am tired after a long day of shopping, gossiping with friends at the latest hip dining place that ended up at a wild party somewhere in  the upper east side.
xoxo, galongong gay (aka echoserang froglita).
you know i luv you.