a bitch feast at its best: priscilla queen of the desert

(first posted september 2011 in glamourous manille. inspired by dinner with the zomvadings.)

the adventures of priscilla, queen of the desert will always be my benchmark for one hell of a great movie about gay men having such a time of their lives. it's a bitch feast at its best, to say the least!

it has it all: great actors with no qualms about portraying out of this world campy characters, riotous and well-choreographed musical numbers, outlandish and pompous costumes, crisp script and a director who knows how to handle such an over the top material with care.

local film makers who aspire to come up with a decent and fun movie about gay men that will appeal to a broader audience should use it as a template.

don't copy it dahlins. be inspired by it, but avoid being its mediocre little twin sister. shame! copying is so tacky, it's lyk wearing crocs over a lanvin dress. just leave that to your little sisters slaving for hack writing jobs at local soaps. chos!

most recently, we had zombadings 1: patayin sa shokot si remington. it was a decent enough film, but it lacked the energy, the vibrancy, the honesty that made the adventures such a classique, such a fun to watch. it made global superstars out of its little known australian stars: hugo weaving and guy pearce.

for one, zombadings is ambivalent about its main character. is he gay or not? of course martin escudero is so luvable and convincing in the title role, a surprise performance from someone dismissed as a cute boy next door with no acting chops to back up his bid for stardom.

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using the adventures as a template, here is a list of what is needed to come up with a landmark movie about the third kind that will make box office history not only at home but overseas as well. let us not aspire for an oscar yet, that will come later.

* a really good cast. get actors who will put their hearts and minds into their characters and remove all inhibitions about portraying gay people.

i think action star robin padilla is a good choice to play a hugo weaving or guy pearce character. based on a few of his movies that i have seen, he is a good actor with a nice comic timing. he is also not self conscious. he just needs a good director and a good material.

who else? it will be exciting to watch how piolo pascual, long rumoured to be double ou (one of us), will tackle such a role.

chris villanueva (he played a closet gay priest in one of star cinema's projects and he is perfection!), jericho rosales (he needs to lose his tendency to overact though), paulo avelino (i am being biased here), the roco twins (they inherited their father's talent).

* a nice, relatable, simple story. enough of the dark, depressing stories about macho dancers, masseurs, drug addicts, hustlers, prostitutes, drag queens, closet gays killing themselves in the end. they have been used and abused in most local indie gay films that offer nothing but gratuitous sex (though they pretend to be art films). i have nothing against gay porn films as long as they don't hide under the guise of art.

* well choreographed musical numbers. what's a respectable campy gay film without it? and while we are at it, please come up with really captivating soundtrack. take inspiration from donna summer, gloria gaynor, barbra streisand, diana ross, the weather girls, kylie minogue, madonna, the village people, the artist formerly known as prince, boy george, george michael and even from lady gaga and adam lambert.

* get those creative juices flowing by creating fabulous costumes that the characters could wear with pride. think alexander mcqueen....

and philippine pride michael cinco.

gorgeous, are they not?

* witty, bitchy, scathing dialogues that would put pedro almodovar to shame and make aunt joey gosiengfiao proud! one liners that we will all be repeating for years to come. think of cherie gil's: "you're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy cat!"

* handsome and sexy leading men like tom rodriguez,

marvin kiefer (i luv his wild curls and lean, long body)

and imported from brazil model fabio ide (he doesn't have to do or say anything. just show him in skimpy calvin kleins. i met him at an event and his smile did me).

even without a dialogue (he has yet to perfect his filipino), brazilian fabio will surely put the screen on fire. he will be one of the come ons of any film about fabulous gays!

if i have tons of cash, i would produce a movie that will launch him to stardom, something in the mould of richard gere's american gigolo. luvly!

(all pictures are taken from the internet. no copyright infringement intended.)

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that's all bitches, fairies, princess, starlets and socialite wannabes as well as sociopaths on the wrong track! babushka!!